Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Dog And Cat Diaries

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary...

Day 983 of my captivity..
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear,
I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.
However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.
I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
However, I could hear the noises and smell the food.
I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.'
I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors
by weaving around his feet as he was walking.
I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges.
He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return.
He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant.
I observe him communicating with the guards regularly..
I am certain that he reports my every move.
My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.
For now..............

from an email

Is Bart Stupak Judas?

Stupak Sold Out For A Brake Meter, Some Deer And 4,800 Feet Of Bad Runway

Bart Stupak sold out on the abortion issue for chump change for airports from nowhere and an ineffectual "executive order" from President Obama which will supposedly stop Pelosi from using federal money to fund abortions. In an ironic twist, mimicking Jesus and his 12 disciples, Stupak and his 12 "anti-abortion" cohorts will attend Obama's signing of that executive order. Which one is Judas?

Alpena County Regional Airport received a grant of $85,500 to acquire friction measuring equipment, specifically a decelermeter and tow vehicle, to replace equipment that has worn out.

Importance: Die Hard 2 had some scenes filmed there.

Delta County Airport in Escanaba received a grant of $179,209 to install a 10 foot perimeter fence to enhance security and prevent wildlife from entering the airport.

Importance: Flights to Iron Mountain, Michigan which is 52 miles away.

The Chippewa County International Airport near Sault Ste. Marie received a grant of $461,700 to install lighted signs on Runway 16/34 and make repairs to the pavement to meet marking requirements and maintain structural integrity.

Importance: It is international because Earl once flew to Canada. By mistake.

Health Care 'Reform'; Enjoy The Fraud, You're Paying For It

Patient Billed for Liposuction as Medical Theft Rises (Update1)

Yep, more Obama Trope and Change.

A Houle In Canada Right To Civilize Coulter's Ottawa U Speech

By all reports Ann Coulters appearance at Ottawa U was a complete disaster for all life loving people. Last night's speech was cancelled because hate.

As quiet and respectful protesters wearing shirts emblazoned with "I love those Jew bastards" and "I bomb for love" (and other articles of faith) milled peacefully in front of the Marion Building, Ann Coulter, wearing stiletto heels and a "I HATE" see through T-shirt, was seen running from rooftop to rooftop screaming profanities and dragging a burning effigy of Provost Francois Houle. This display of hateful speech and action caused a fire alarm to go off.

One protester, who led a prayer for Coulter, sighed as she wept for all saying, "Oh, I just wish Ann could see the logic that real free speech is restricted for the good of all children and women of the world." This protester felt the love so strongly that she had left her "Women as patriarchs in a world that sucks" symposium to attend and pray for Ms. Coulter.

Francois Houle, esteemed Provost and protector of free speech and civility, rapidly moved from stricken student to love stricken protester handing out small cups of water and a flower offered with kind words, but with a sad look on his face.

"Provost Houle offered hope at a time of despair. He saved me from becoming a cynic, which is soooo easy in this misbeguided world. Provost Houle is my hero. I only hope he can feel our thanks as we struggle to emulate his fearless stance against hatred in the world," offered one 58 year old student.

The event was thankfully cancelled after panicked students, confused by the screaming and fire of Ms. Coulter and the ensuing fire alarm, ran in the wrong direction blocking the exit doors of the Marion Building. Unaware that hateful supporters of Ms. Coulter were roasting their stomachs in the Hell of the auditorium inferno, blissfully started chanting, "Stop the hate, God loves the Caliphate," in hope of thwarting Ms. Coulter's craven attack upon their senses.

After a glorious evening of witnessing freedom and civility working hand in fist, this reporter sought solace at a local Burkha and Burp for some much needed grape leaves and tea, where I found a small group of students ground into silence. Their faces filled with sadness and hope as they witnessed their beloved, but exhausted police file past this Palestinian refuge of culinary peace. For the moment, their work done, they trudged back to their station.

As I file this report I must constantly remind myself of the bravery of Provost Houle who obviously has had a positive influence on his students and the tireless police. Their work will never end, but that is a story unto itself which I will file at a later date titled, A Student’s Life of Endless Suffering to Fight Intolerance in a World Gone Mad.

For now, as a glorious new day peaks over the eastern horizen, Ottawa U and her students have returned to its normally tranquil state, even as Ms. Coulter slinks back across the border into the waste lands leaving stiletto gashes on our soil.