Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Congress To Investigate Itself In Steroid Abusegate

Congress to Hold Hearings on Steroid Use

Congress announced plans Tuesday to review the use of performance-enhancing drugs, with star-studded hearings scheduled next month and legislation to limit access to steroids and human growth hormone.

Steroid abuse symptoms:

Researchers report that users may suffer from paranoid jealousy, extreme irritability, delusions, and impaired judgment stemming from feelings of invincibility.

I have heard these symptoms can also occur with too much exposure to the ink used pork laden bills as well as the dye used in ribbons present at almost all post office renaming ceremonies where a member is honored.

Robert Byrd and Ted Young could not return calls and a young Barack Obama, crying after meeting with Joe Biden, was quoted, "Say it ain't so Joe."

Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi both stated that with their intimate knowledge of everything in the known universe, especially sports, they'll have the steroid problem licked immediately. In a private meeting in the House gym, other members proposed building a 300 mile long bridge to nowhere. By hand.