Hillary Clinton Is Compassionate If You Know Your Place

After an hour-long television interview critiquing Sen. Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton went to an African American church, where the only words she had for her democratic rival -- were of praise.

Soon after little Barack got back from the river where he had been collecting wood to make a drum, Hillary Clinton, Empress of her new world, had this to say to her adoring fans globally;

"We never thought we would see the day when an African-American and a woman were competing for the presidency," Clinton said. "I am so proud of my party I am so proud of my country and I am so proud of Sen. Barack Obama."

Obviously hoping that Barack can one day grow into her bustier shoes, Empress Hillary glowed as her husband, William Jefferson Clinton, patted Barack on the head and praised his race for accepting government programs designed to help them become something they have historically been unable to achieve on their own.

"We, together, you blacks, whatever, voters, will overcome" proclaimed Hillary Clinton as William Jefferson Clinton enthusiastically nodded his darkened head up and down, "Deep in my heart, I do believe, with enough money we can make you achieve, vote for me, yo'all can see that I have don my part on down here where yo have been forced to live."

Clinton went on to say that she was shocked that someone like Obama who had benefited from her so many government programs addressing racial disparities to improve their chances, would stoop to racism attempting to discuss the future of all Americans just win the presidency. In the past Clinton has repeatedly pointed out that she would never use sex, race or religion in any political campaign.

"There's that mutuality of respect between people where you don't see people as percentage points. Where you don't manipulate people. Where you're not interested in social engineering for people. The struggle for an integrated life existing in an atmosphere of communal trust and respect is one with desperately important political and social consequences."

A wag in the wings quoted Obama as saying, "I got your upper middle class mutuality right here." Obama's grandmother, when asked, wasn't clear on what Barack meant by his middle class remark, but did ask, "Didn't Hillary defend those murderers up east when she was still learning at that fancy college her parents sent her?"

No Wellesley College or Yale University spokesmen could be found to comment though the corpse of Barry Goldwater did a point 6 difficult backward flip within his coffin saying, "Christ Almighty, who found this bitch?"